Friday, October 1, 2010

The Twin Mustache

How rare it is to cultivate a fine mustache, but the cultivate two at the same time of the same high quality... Outstanding! 'Tis a pity that they cannot stand proudly side-by-side. The sitting twin lost his leg to a fearsome Alligator during a trip to Flo-rida. Will we ever tame that savage State?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Mustache Sufferer

Why is this fellow so disappointed? He has a lovely mustache and wife. Perhaps he is a sufferer of the dread neurasthenia. Too bad the unfortunately named Dr. Beard* is not around to diagnosis him.

*In regards to the image at the referred page: While I find myself disappointed that Dr. Beard does not possess a mustache, he is at least beardless, which befits his advanced education and medical acumen. His hearty Sideburns allude to a fine mustache that might have been. Now I seem to be filled with neurasthenia... Curse the ceaseless vicissitudes of Melancholia!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Desperate Mustache

There is a sad touch of desperation in this poor man's look. Perhaps he knows he is the target of an imminent mustache-napping plot. Can you imagine the horror of finding your mustache missing and a note demanding ransom stapled to your upper lip? To be set upon by the medical and natural perils of mustache stewardship is one thing--barbaric theft is quite another!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

A Dandy Mustache

An absolutely delightful mustache on this fine figure of a dandy. Thin and sharp--almost sharp enough to cut through the fog of history. And his amazing oversize bow-tie surely meant he was the manly he-belle of whatever ball he attended.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Annals of Mustache Villainy

Regular readers of this poor journal will be familiar with my quirks and prejudices. I defend the mustache in all forms and the fine men and women who wear them from all assaults. But there is villainy in the mustache family:

Presented here is true villain from mustache history, John Wilkes Booth, murderer of the 16th President if these United States, Abraham Lincoln.

This heretofore unknown image of the assassin was uncovered by the keen eye of Josh Hager while working at Rare Book, Manuscript, and Special Collections Library at Duke University. Read his entire adventure at the RBMSCL blog, The Devil's Tale.

Brought to my attention by the ever faithful Amy McDonald.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Golden Locks, Golden Looks

Perhaps a tad windblown, and perhaps a bit perturbed by the state it has left his hair in, but his mustache is as sturdy as the price of gold.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Another Fine and Bushy Fellow

A mustache so full and boisterous, it completely consumes his upper and lower lips. Delightful.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Wild Mustaches Cannot Be Broken

Look upon it in all its bushy glory. More beautiful than a prarire sunrise and more pure than the cleanest mountain system. This was a mustache that help build America.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Early Faceshelf

Years before Chester A. Arthur, this gentleman was, as the kids say, "rockin'" this fantastic faceshelf. Although his egregious off-centeredness suggests The Shameful Tintypist has struck once more.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Mustache Against All Odds

Despite being the victim of a crude forehead trepanation, this laconic gentleman still finds the will to maintain a fine mustache.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Mustacheless Stand

...and yet still must lean on the mustachioed for support. So typical for those hapless in their liphairlessness.

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Deep Wells

I do believe that being surrounded in world filled with inferior mustaches has driven his poor fellow quite mad. If most gentlemen had the length and density of his wild mustache, this might be the best of all possible worlds. Alas, that lack is the despair in his eyes.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Diseases of the Mustache: Acute Follicular Seizure

While I have spoken before of the dread Acute Follicular Seizure, until now I have not been able to present photographic testament of the results. This poor gentleman had been sorely affected as some point in his past; the wispy tips and contorted growth patterns are clear indicators. While lucky that it was not severe enough to produce baldness, the mustache will never be the same. Still, he wears what cruel nature has inflicted upon him with a full measure of dignity. Huzzah, sir!

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Haberdashery Imperative

Matching hat to mustache is a sartorial computation that this gentleman has solved quite well.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

We Three Mustached Gentleman

The win, place and show resultants from the Mid-Atlantic Inventors Fair and Mustache Cultivation Championships of 1871. While history lauds the Inventors Fair's Norris Benderstaff and his breakthrough discovery of mica-laced tooth powders, little is known of the Champion Mustache Cultivators. Due to the long tradition and unwavering intricacies of mustache competitions, we do know that the winner stands, the runner-up sits at his right hand, and The Mustache Genteelity prizewinner at his left. But all the rest, even these gentleman's names, has been lost to the restless combs of history.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

A Failure of the Tintypist's Art

Having your photograph taken in the mid-Nineteenth Century was no mere trifle. It was a not inconsiderable expense, even by the time of the tintype. This gentleman with his fine, dark suit, impressive tie, and expertly pomaded hair just wanted a portrait of his thick and luxurious mustache made. Maybe he wanted to give it as a gift to a visiting countess or simply to document his mustache in its full plumage for his adoring grandchildren. But those hopes and dreams were dashed by the inexpert hand of a tintypist that had so little regard for his subjects as to mis-center this poor man, and even cut off his left-elbow. The left-elbow! The 2nd most erotic portion of a man in the Nineteenth Century! For shame, inept tintypist. You have robbed this man of perfection in immortality.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Blurry Mustache

A slovenly display of the tintypist's art. Shameful that this gentleman's compact mustache be given such short shrift.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Drowsy Mustache

It looks like someone has been spending too much time at the local somnambulist outfitters. I hope he does not shave off his mustache in a fit of hypnagogic dysphoria.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jaunty and Rakish

Mustaches are like salads, usually best when simply dressed. But sometimes crushed velvet, tights and a commanding hat are the only appropriate accoutrement.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Mustache Resource

Loyal Reader Kate T. has alerted me to a valuable mustache resource. As reported by the indispensable Indicommons, a "Great Mustaches of The LOC" tag has been added to the Library of Congress photostream on Flickr. While most of the images already tagged are not of the Nineteenth Century vintage, there are many fine examples of the styles that survived until after The War To End All Wars.

For example, Dr. John T Gerin's impressive, yet still professional, faceshelf.

A "Good Show" to all involved!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Rugged Mustache

A fine and thick mustache that saw this gentleman's upper lip through many a harsh Missouri winter. A mustache that struck West, and surely found riches and the attentions of a good wife.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Abused Tintype

A jaunty hat, a fine mustache, and an impressive gold watchchain were not enough to keep this poor gentleman's tintype from being attacked. Some barelipped hooligans folded it in half, most likely in a fit of extreme jealousy.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Mustaches of the Civil War

A younger image than usual of the of the man who lent his name to the sideburn, Ambrose Burnside. Darker and shorter than the classic face-shelf he supports in the popular imagination, this is an intimate look at the origins of a classic American mustache style.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Friday the 13th Mustache

What horrors those blank eyes have seen. And with Valentine's Day right 'round the corner!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Streamlined Mustache

His jaunty bouffant and rapscallion tie reveal him to be a man of a terpsichorean bent. The streamlined mustache supports this conclusion wonderfully.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Treasured Comment From A Treasured Commenter

If You've Only Got A Moustache
Stephen Foster (1864)

Oh! all of you poor single men,
Don't ever give up in despair,
For there's always a chance while there's life
To capture the hearts of the fair,
No matter what may be your age,
You always may cut a fine dash,
You will suit all the girls to a hair
If you've only got a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you've only got a moustache.

No matter for manners or style,
No matter for birth or for fame,
All these used to have something to do
With young ladies changing their name,
There's no reason now to despond,
Or go and do any thing rash,
For you'll do though you can't raise a cent,
If you'll only raise a moustache!
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only raise a moustache.

Your head may be thick as a block,
And empty as any foot-ball,
Oh! your eyes may be green as the grass
Your heart just as hard as a wall.
Yet take the advice that I give,
You'll soon gain affection and cash,
And will be all the rage with the girls,
If you'll only get a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only get a moustache.

I once was in sorrow and tears
Because I was jilted you know,
So right down to the river
I ran To quickly dispose of my woe,
A good friend he gave me advice
And timely prevented the splash,
Now at home I've a wife and ten heirs,
And all through a handsome moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
And all through a handsome moustache.

I'd like to thank Loyal Reader Caitlin GD Hopkins for bringing this delightful (and accurate!) song to my attention. The link also includes a MP3 of the song suitable for downloading. Sadly, the linked MP3 is not played on the traditional Jaw Harp and Concertina that Foster preferred.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Unhappy Marriage

While a fine mustache is a boon to any relationship, look hither at the bearded marriage. His deep despair. Her dead eyes and forced smiled. The sadness of this image resonates through the centuries...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Soft-Focus Mustache

This gentleman decided to memorialize his mustache with an opaque glass ambrotype. A bold choice considering the amount of fine detail that was lost. Perhaps a lover was the intend of this image, but leaving researchers and aficionados such as ourselves in a historic fog.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Desperate Times Call For Manly Mustaches

Devoted Reader Alice W. points us to this discussion of the bold mustaches that have have been chosen to lead our country out of these dark times.

The Year Of The Mustache by Anya Strzemien

William Howard Taft

A little examined chapter of the life if our Last Mustachioed President, William Howard Taft, is the turbulent years before he could grow a mustache.

I would be an angry infant as well if I knew how long it would be for that mustache to be mine...