Mustaches of the Civil War

A younger image than usual of the of the man who lent his name to the sideburn, Ambrose Burnside. Darker and shorter than the classic face-shelf he supports in the popular imagination, this is an intimate look at the origins of a classic American mustache style.

The Friday the 13th Mustache

What horrors those blank eyes have seen. And with Valentine's Day right 'round the corner!

The Streamlined Mustache

His jaunty bouffant and rapscallion tie reveal him to be a man of a terpsichorean bent. The streamlined mustache supports this conclusion wonderfully.

A Treasured Comment From A Treasured Commenter

If You've Only Got A Moustache
Stephen Foster (1864)

Oh! all of you poor single men,
Don't ever give up in despair,
For there's always a chance while there's life
To capture the hearts of the fair,
No matter what may be your age,
You always may cut a fine dash,
You will suit all the girls to a hair
If you've only got a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you've only got a moustache.

No matter for manners or style,
No matter for birth or for fame,
All these used to have something to do
With young ladies changing their name,
There's no reason now to despond,
Or go and do any thing rash,
For you'll do though you can't raise a cent,
If you'll only raise a moustache!
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only raise a moustache.

Your head may be thick as a block,
And empty as any foot-ball,
Oh! your eyes may be green as the grass
Your heart just as hard as a wall.
Yet take the advice that I give,
You'll soon gain affection and cash,
And will be all the rage with the girls,
If you'll only get a moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
If you'll only get a moustache.

I once was in sorrow and tears
Because I was jilted you know,
So right down to the river
I ran To quickly dispose of my woe,
A good friend he gave me advice
And timely prevented the splash,
Now at home I've a wife and ten heirs,
And all through a handsome moustache,
A moustache, a moustache,
And all through a handsome moustache.


I'd like to thank Loyal Reader Caitlin GD Hopkins for bringing this delightful (and accurate!) song to my attention. The link also includes a MP3 of the song suitable for downloading. Sadly, the linked MP3 is not played on the traditional Jaw Harp and Concertina that Foster preferred.

The Unhappy Marriage

While a fine mustache is a boon to any relationship, look hither at the bearded marriage. His deep despair. Her dead eyes and forced smiled. The sadness of this image resonates through the centuries...

The Soft-Focus Mustache

This gentleman decided to memorialize his mustache with an opaque glass ambrotype. A bold choice considering the amount of fine detail that was lost. Perhaps a lover was the intend of this image, but leaving researchers and aficionados such as ourselves in a historic fog.

Desperate Times Call For Manly Mustaches

Devoted Reader Alice W. points us to this discussion of the bold mustaches that have have been chosen to lead our country out of these dark times.

The Year Of The Mustache by Anya Strzemien

William Howard Taft

A little examined chapter of the life if our Last Mustachioed President, William Howard Taft, is the turbulent years before he could grow a mustache.



I would be an angry infant as well if I knew how long it would be for that mustache to be mine...

A Fine Choice

Our readers of the fairer sex will surely and readily attest to the stark fact that there are mustaches you date, and mustaches you marry. This beautifully frocked lady has made I wise choice, I think. A well-groomed Imperial is fine husband material.

Democracy, red in tooth and claw...

While I struggle to stay above the political wrangling, it must be noted that only one candidate for President has a mustache:



I will make no formal endorsement, but I will say: 95 years is long enough!

The Moving Pictures Mustache

Never has the Nineteenth Century Mustache been as dynamic as in these serialed images. If only a fine and bold mustache aesthetic had taken hold in the decadent film industry. Imagine the dizzying delights of 1950s Mustache-O-Vision!

Another Sad Mustache

But I have an explanation for both, I think. Each is sad because they know nothing of their long lost twin.

The Faraway Mustache

This sad-eyed fellow seems to be contemplating the heady days of mustaches past; or, perhaps, the horror of a mustache that might never be. Chilling.

The Wisdom of Mustaches

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

-Friedrich Nietzsche, The Dawn, Sec. 297


His mustache veritably teems with uncorruptibility. He and his mustache learned much from Friedrich.

The Raconteur

Be watchful, ladies, or this blond dandy might throw you down the staircase of love!

Apologies

I have been away so long, I am almost ashamed to post. Upheaval at the Insititute, a mad power struggle at the top, interns being lured away to a European mustache think tank... it is too overwhelming.

This gentleman's well-groomed Imperial is a fine example of the form, but was unfortunately captured on gaslight developing-out paper. It will continue to fade until there is nothing left.

All Slipping Away

It is sad to see a man balding on the head and the mustache so young.

On Beardism

There has seldom existed a more frightening documentary on the danger of beards than this one I have found. Not suitable for the weak of constitution.

Mustaches Promote Good Posture

Just look at how those bare-lipped louts are unable to sit up straight. One even leans in the presence of two fine mustaches! The disrespect!

The mustache requires balance and grace from the wearer, promoting good and correct posture.

The Desperate Mustache

He looks trapped and maybe a little self-destructive. Possibly he lost his family savings in the otter-hide market crash of 1868.

Our 200th Post!

While a fine mustache indeed, of greatest interest to hirsutologists lies in the fact that this might be the first photographic evidence of the "faux-hawk."

The interns note that his plaintive eyes long for a night of "clubbing." Though, why such a finely dressed man would want to spend all-night beating baby seals to death is beyond me. There are French-Canadians to do that sort of work!

Mustaches of the Civil War, Pt. 14

The tragic loss of his right hand necessitated the side-switch in the part of his hair. His well-maintained face-shelf was fortunately not affected.

Diseases of the Mustache: Temporary Handlebar Weariness

What horror to be so afflicted. The right-side cannot hold a twist at all.

Indianapolis Bow-tie

From his lustfully low widow's peak to his jaunty bow-tie, everything about this gentleman indicates a willingness to let his bushy mustache live wild and free.

Making The Most

Only one of them is making the most of his time in a POW camp. Can you spot him?

The Orphaned Mustache

Richard Willing, of Missouri. A hair part so sharp it could open letters for you. Artfully posed with the blanket he was wrapped in as a foundling.

The Pensive Mustache

Perhaps he thinks of the mustaches he left behind in the old country.

The Never-Far-Away Mustache

This is a gem tintype, half-an-inch tall. These were made to be part of lockets or other small jewelry. Someone wanted to keep this mustache very close to her heart...

Exceptionally Erudite

While he is a very intelligent looking man, I am not sure that during portraiture is the best time to indulge relief from omphalic itching.

The Fools of April

Warning to the fairer sex, unaccompanied minors and those with weak constitutions, today's post is on a rather shocking matter.

Let us spend this one day contemplating the most foolish of facial hair:

The Mustacheless Beard



With no mustache, sideburns or cheek bridge, this represents the reverse face-shelf. Truly horrible to behold.



This mustacheless patriarch surely ruled his family with a cruel and iron fist. Possibly because no woman could love a deliberately barelipped authoritarian. The seeds of feminism were sown from his unnatural co-location of facial and chest hair.



A furious expression on a mustacheless face. What joy can be had without a mustache?


Of course, my condemnation of the mustacheless beard does not extend to the Amish and Mennonite communities, who are mustacheless for religious reasons. As wikipedia explains:

Moustaches are not allowed, because they are associated with the military, and because they give opportunity for vanity. The avoidance of military styles has origins in the religious and political persecution in 16th and 17th century Europ. Men of the nobility and upper classes, who often served as military officers, wore moustaches but not beards, and the pacifist Amish avoid moustaches because of this association.