Monday, December 31, 2007

Sunday, December 30, 2007

George Dewey

The mustache that won a stunning victory at The Battle of Manila Bay.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Lieutenant General Nelson Appleton Miles

A fine mustache that saw action in the US Civil War, the Indian Wars, and the Spanish-American War. Miles eventually rose in the ranks to become Commanding General of the United States Army, the last person to hold that title.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Harold MacGrath

Harold MacGrath (1871-1932) was an American novelist and screenwriter.

Sadly, we have only the 19th century man, with his 20th century mustache. There is evidence of sustained cultivation, but I thought the author of The Mollycoddle deserved even late adulation.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

John Hay

John Hay (1898-1905), US Secretary of State, seen here as a young man, during his tenure as an assistant to President Abraham Lincoln, one of our most stubbornly un-mustached Presidents.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Author of The Marble Faun (1860) and possessor of a fine early Nietzsche.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bret Harte

Another mis-spelling by an albuminist! Were they all etherists?

Wikipedia also reports, like poor Mr. Chambers, Mr. Harte suffered from writer-on-writer violence:

Writing in his autobiography four years after Harte's death, Mark Twain famously insults Harte, characterizing him and his writing as insincere; he criticizes the miners' dialect, claiming it never existed outside of the story ("The Luck of Roaring Camp"). Twain reserves his most damning statements for Harte's personal life, especially after Harte left the West, including his habitual borrowing of money from his friends with no intent to repay, his haughty attitude and his financial abandonment of his wife and children.

I hate to see fine mustaches fight...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Grover Cleveland

A modest man with a plain, but foundational mustache. A mustache fit to run a nation.

I was saddened to find the last President I could respect was afflicted with beardism in his youth. What fine strength of character he must have mustered to overcome such a handicap.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

G. K. Chesterton

Men always talk about the most important things to perfect strangers. In the perfect stranger we perceive man himself; the image of a God is not disguised by resemblances to an uncle or doubts of wisdom of a mustache.
-G. K. Chesterton

And, of course, he penned this wonderful line...

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
-G. K. Chesterton

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Robert W. Chambers

An American writer most known for his horror fiction, especially the collection of short stories, The King In Yellow.

According to wikipedia, he received the rare honor of being insulted by The Dark Prince of Rhode Island:

H. P. Lovecraft said of him in a letter to Clark Ashton Smith,

"Chambers is like Rupert Hughes and a few other fallen Titans - equipped with the right brains and education but wholly out of the habit of using them."

At least he didn't call him squamous.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Will Carleton

William McKendree Carleton (1845–1912), American poet.

Monday, December 10, 2007

A Famous Mustache Celebration

A collection of famous mustaches of the nineteenth century will be featured until New Year's Day.

General Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard (1818-1893) C.S.A.; commander at Fort Sumter, 1861

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Unstyled Mustache

The density is there, but he chooses to do little with it. A shame really...

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Who Could Complain About An Ascot?

Combined with such a well-defined chin cleft?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Has This Become Odd Neckwear Week?

I've always tried not to harp on a gentleman's appearance in these pages,* but the neckwear anomalies seem to keep popping up. The untucked tie ruins his mustache pose almost entirely.

*Aficionados of such cruel fun usually haunt sites like Moustastic or I Don't Like Your Facial Hair In That Way (IDLYFHITW.)

Monday, December 3, 2007

The Ignored Mustache

I usually strive to keep the focus on the mustaches, but I am fascinated by this gentleman's... overly large necklace? extremely secure watch chain? poorly constructed suspenders? flimsy restraints?

Saturday, December 1, 2007

What's In A Name?


Originally a Norman French nickname derived from aux gernons "having a mustache."

Friday, November 30, 2007

The Closely-Groomed Mustache

The expression on his face indicates to me that he is distressed at having such a mustache and wishing it could be fuller. Maybe his father is a barelipped tyrant and is threatening disinheritanceness.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Proud Cleft

How terrible it would be to hide such a manly chin cleft under a beard...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Blonde Mustache

Very few blond men lived in America before 1913, so this a rare image indeed.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Another Overshadowing Tie

But when his facespanner finally, fully comes in, he'll show that shiny tie whatfor.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Nothing To Give Thanks For

I hope my loyal readers had a much finer Thanksgiving feast than I and my new interns experienced. I was summoned late last Tuesday to an emergency Convocation of M(o)ustache Bloggers. The confidentiality codicils of the Convocation stripped me of all ability to communicate with the outside world for its duration. Of course, I am prevented from discussing the location or attending members, but I can suggest in vague terms that the matter of the meeting was the production of evidence regarding malfeasance on the part of one of our most prominent representatives. It was a scandalous affair and it upset the new interns greatly to hear that someone in our tightly-knit circle of facial hair enthusiasts could be capable if such fraud.

And their turkey was dry.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Simple Mustache

Alas, it is almost too simple for his outfit, the striped tie attracts the eye too readily.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Another Dapper Mustache

What wit and grace has this gentleman!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The Profile Mustache

A fine example of the mustache in profile.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Diseases of the Mustache: Malformed Philtrum

This poor gentleman has the hairless area most associated with a malformed philtrum. His cross-eyedness may indicate a history of pugilism or horse-wrestling.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Cleansing Mustache

Let us wipe away the moral horror of yesterday's mustache with this fine example.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Deranged Mustache

Perhaps this gentleman was just accosted by a nefarious cutpurse. That would be a charitable explanation for odd and contradictory style seen in his mustache. The horrible asymmetry offends the senses. I debated long and hard whether to share this image with, my dear readers. I offer it now as an anti-example of fine mustachery.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Tightly Rolled Mustache

A highly refined and tight overhand twist.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Suspicious Mustache

This gentleman has a very suspicious glare worked into his mustache pose. Perhaps he sees a barelipped ruffian in the distance.

Mustaches Of The Nineteenth Century Special Report

An In Depth Look at Diseases of the Mustache

Many of my valued readers have asked for a clarification of certain medical terms concerning mustachery. An addition to this post, the terms will be added to the glossary.

Mustache Wasting Disease
A progressive thinning of the mustache about the phltrum and the outer twisting withers. Often the result of over-mastication routines advocated by Fletcherites and other jaw-abusive health cults. (Fletcherism has also been linked to a related illness, Sideburnitosis.)

Mustache Concussion
A bruising and swelling of the mustache, both philtrum and withers, caused by repeated blows. The immediate aftereffect is often simple temporary handlebar weariness, but severe cases can present acute follicular seizure. Repeated mustache concussions, such as those experience by bare-knuckle pugilists, can result in malformation of the philtrum, also known as Cauliflower Lip.

Temporary Handlebar Weariness
A flagging of the twists brought on by fatigue or opium balm. Extreme mustache exertion and physical damage to the lip can bring it on, but is often cured by a brief rest at a mustache spa.

Acute Follicular Seizure
A horrific and potentially crippling condition wherein the individual hairs of the mustache seize in their growth patterns for days or weeks at a time. This can lead to complete mustache baldness or an asymmetrical mustache growth pattern that will result in a malformed philtum.

Malformed Philtrum
The unnatural spread of the philtrum to occupy more than 5% of the entire mustache width due to trauma or use of certain illegal mustache growth pomades and waxes. The main impact on the mustache to emphasize the relativity hairless area of the philtrum to the detriment of the hairful wither, therefore upsetting the fine balance and symmetry seen in the great mustaches of the world.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Oversized Mistake

Never let your tie overshadow your mustache.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

A Foolish Comment

I am loathe to poke cruel fun, but this comment was too misguided not to point out.

Forbidden Fantasy said...
i'm sorry for being the bearer of bad news but i'm here to say that i find this entire site quite humorous seeing as how it is devoted to a mass of hair growing above the lip that makes drinking anything from a cup quite a task.
November 2, 2007 12:58 PM

You, sir, know nothing of the fine arts of being a gentleman because no gentleman worth his wax would attempt to play host to a well-groomed mustache without possessing a mustache cup!

If any of my readers you like to obtain a mustache cup of your own, this fine retailer carries a number of styles.

Go Antiques

Friday, November 9, 2007

The Discarded Mustache

Someone bent this poor man's image right in half, perhaps in an effort to hide him away from the prying eyes of society. It is not so poor a mustache that it must be hidden away...

Thursday, November 8, 2007

The Favors of Density

While the elaborate skill of the handlebar and the genetic luck of a narrow philtrum are parts of the majestic tapestry that is a fine mustache, they are nothing if you don't start with a dense base to work with. Take this gentleman for example. Even while trimmed short, the density of his mustache allows it to exert a formidable presence in the composition of his face.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Competitive Mustache Cultivation and Display

I am pleased to introduce Josh Gipson and Jesse Brasher (l to r), winners of the intra-collegiate mustache growing contest held in honor of National Archives Week. Josh won in the Density event, but Jesse edged him out in the important and highly competitive Length From Bare-Lipped race. But in the end, Josh's points in the Freestyle event for his flamboyant Inverted Kurdish pulled them into a dead tie. Both were declared the champion in an emotional ceremony.


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Help Support Mustache Blogs!

I, of course, hope that you would vote for this site. But if you cannot in good conscience, at least don't vote for those low-mannered quarter-wits at The Twirler. They've made a mockery of mustache aficionados everywhere with their yellowest of journalisms.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Happy Guy Fawke's Night!

Sadly, you must refer to our sister site Van Dykes of the Seventeenth Century to get the full experience of this holiday.

Also, one last question from late last night:

Burton Newall said...
I do not understand, sir. You write that the best mustache grooming products are illegal. What could surpass the tradition half-and-half mixure of beeswax and petroleum jelly, I ask you?
November 4, 2007 10:50 PM

The galvanic properties of penguin-based unguents could static-charge an overhand twist for an entire night of promenades or even the most brutally long of debutante balls. Additionally, the ear wax of the rare red panda was far superior to beeswax in many ways, allowing for more complex twisting and braiding. It would also last for days on a single application. Narwhal tooth combs are another product denied the mustachioed gentleman.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Answers To Your Questions, Additional Queries

Blog Origins

Elise said...

Your crazy! I love the blog, what inspired you?
November 2, 2007 12:23 PM

Peter Anderson said...
How is it, that a man so rich with worldly upper lip hair knowledge, finds the time to educate the mustached peasants of the world so generously?
November 2, 2007 4:02 PM

My father sported a fine mustache. The most frightening day of my childhood occurred when my father was forced by his employers to go barelipped. When he stepped from the bathroom bereft of his mustache I fainted dead away. My father defied his employers and regrew his mustache for the sake of his stricken child. This site is a tribute to him and his sacrifice.

Prurient Interests

Halfang said...
Is it true that moustached men deliver more pleasure to moustached and to non-moustached women?
November 2, 2007 5:30 PM


Applied Metaphysics

Olive Duster said...
I fell asleep and when I awoke I found myself on your site. What...where the hell am I?
November 3, 2007 7:00 PM

You’ve found yourself in a safe corner of the vast Internet sprawl; please explore the content within and consider this a mustachioed home away from home.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Answers To Your Questions, Comments Past


Michael Fountain: Blood for Ink said...
But what of Captain Sir Richard Francis Burton, whose facespanner earned him the Arab sobriquet, "Father of Moustachioes"?
October 28, 2007 10:28 AM

A fine man, but sadly unpictured in my collection. I strive not to post images not in my collection, mostly out of politeness and a fear of re-igniting the horrific mustache plagiarism wars of 2003 that claimed the lives so many mustache bloggers.


(lord) franko said...

while i prefer just a mustache, the proper beard can enhance a mustache sometimes, don't you think? sort of like the proper accessory to fine outfit?
October 31, 2007 9:21 AM

A beard to me is like a fine lawn gone to seed for lack of mowing. I do not lament the beard, but rather the mustache it has subsumed.


A. Truman North said...
Why do you spell the M-word that way?
October 31, 2007 9:41 PM

A question answered in the Glossary:

Foreign variant of mustache. Primarily used in opium dens and other houses of ill-repute where no gentlemanly facial hair would ever find itself.

I do not object to the use of moustache, but one must look deep into one's soul and take a side. I sided against the superfluous o.

Michael said...
Ah, so that's what it's called—a philtrim (although Wikipedia and spell it philtrum).
October 26, 2007 7:10 PM

Both are acceptable, but I will admit to a terrible propensity to use both. Unsightly in such fine company.


Film Scholar

Weren't mustaches once a symbol of wealth in the 19th Century? How does that equate to the "porn-stache" we see nowdays.

Pornography reflects our must base and urgent desires. What is more desirable than a mustache?

Mustache Health

Dem said...

Of course here they're called moustaches. I'm growing one now for the first time since I sported a George Harrison as a much younger man so I was pleased to see this listed in the blogs of note. This time I'm aiming for something more along the lines of an Errol Flynn, the famous Australian moving picture performer of yore. Any and all grooming and cultivation tips much appreciated. For instance, that thing about rubbing the hairless area with salt to tempt the hair out for a drink, then tying a knot in it near the root so it can't retreat back under the skin, what salt works best - sea or siberian mined?
October 30, 2007 8:19 AM

While salting is a fine way to start a mustache, one should proceed with caution. Any free chloride could result in Acute Follicular Seizure. A fast growing mustache is a wonderful thing, but AFS can wither a mustache for life.

(lord) franko said...
i second the inquiry for more moustache maintenance tips. to condition or not? waxes, pomades, or ??
October 30, 2007 9:39 AM

Conditioners are rarely desired. While the soft mustache pleases ladies, it can lack the structure required for proper twisting. Regular soap and water is best, for you want to maintain the native bacteria present in a healthy mustache.

As for pomades and waxes, since the best mustache styling products are now illegal, I cannot vouch for any modern product in good conscious.

Grimscott said...
I currently sport a wonderful, cultivated, groomed, lip-shading mustache of a sort any 19th century gentleman would be proud of; unfortunately due to an unfortunate industrial accident I am being advised by my medical practitioner to either grow a beard or undergo a series of painful surgeries. As an expert in the field I would have your advice? Beard or painful surgery?
October 26, 2007 10:11 AM

Better some facial hair than none at all. There are many fine support groups with chapters in most metropolitan areas to help you cope with the lost of the use of your mustache. But beware the mustacheless goatee. Far better to have a full beard and be mistaken for a handsome Amish man, than a creature of such ill-repute.


kevyn said...
what would you call mine?
October 30, 2007 5:01 PM

That, sir, is an Inverted Kurdish, so-called for its resemblance to a Û.

Beanieville said... Interesting facination of mustache you got there. Perhaps i can send in mine for you to examine my pedigree? October 28, 2007 2:36 PM

Ricardo Mamood-Vega said...
Great site. I have a JPEG of an old dude with moustache but doesn't fall under any classification. Can you classify it if I send an JPEG to you? (No virus nor threats) October 29, 2007 9:57 PM

Submissions may be sent to sugarfreejay (at), with the caveat that they may be posted to the main page for discussions of a educational nature.

Other Facial Hair Styles and Eras

off.the.twig said... have you considered a similar tribute site to the oft forgotten mutton chops? i feel that you could do justice, where justice is due.
October 31, 2007 3:22 PM

Sir Monocle said...
I concur with sir dungan. Wish I saw this site sooner! I've done a David Niven (thin, cosmopolitain). Is there a name for that?
October 25, 2007 4:02 PM

LV_Raider said...
can i be given an e-mail alert when you begin researching great Major League Baseball Mustaches from the 70's and 80's? October 25, 2007 9:28 PM

Alas, am I but one man and deprived as I am of an assistant (albeit a poor one), I must leave Mustaches of the Twentieth Century as a subject for someone else to dedicate themselves to. Hopefully my work here will inspire them in their endeavors.

Friday, November 2, 2007

The Balding Mustache

At least he will always be able to count on his thick mustache.

A Special Note To My Readers

Now that the paganish hootenanny of Halloween is finished, I can see now that the loss of Joseph maybe permanent, and not some cruel prank he has pulled upon his employer. Joseph has run off before, but has often returned after a few nights, reeking of sugar cane liquor and sporting an infant beard. I truly miss the burly simpleton and will hold out hope for his return.

But my work must go on, and I have obligations to you, my faithful readers. Many of you have posited questions in the comments that I have yet to respond to. I plan to spend the weekend grieving Joseph and creating a series of posts to the main page to answer the most pertinent. All of your comments are a wonderful comfort to me during this time, even those from benighted souls who wail out against the mustache and advocate its destruction. This is America after all, and you are as free as anyone to express opinions that are wrongheaded, ignorant, and public evidence of ill-breeding.

Please use the comments of this post to ask any burning mustache queries you haven't yet put in comment posts past.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

All Saint's Day Mustache

Is this a mustache you want to visit cemeteries with? Look at those finely wound overhand twists. I think you know the answer in your hearts.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Devil's Night Mustache

"Dewey? We do."

I do not care for the mixture of puns and mustaches.

A Devil's Night note: Never prank a mustachioed man, their powers can have more uses than just the romantic.

Monday, October 29, 2007

The Returning Mustache

The research trip was quite successful. I found many new examples of exquisite nineteenth century mustachery to share with you in the coming months. I traveled savage lands indeed, full of strange peoples with even stranger customs.

It was one of these customs that poor Joseph ran afoul of… During a wondrous parade in a quaint western village, Joseph became entranced with one of the thickest English style mustache either of us had ever seen in modern times. Perhaps deranged from low pay and long days of combing private facial hair archives, Joseph attempted to take a mustache rubbing without making himself clear to the owner. A confrontation occurred and he was swept away in the great wave of humanity and has been missing ever since.

But there was good news. Joseph never had a chance to cash his final paycheck. I should be able to find a new intern with these monies. And this rare specimen was found, offered with only stunned silence…

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Melancholy Mustache

A rather sad mustache, for a rather sad time. I regret to inform my wonderful regular readers that I will be gone on a mustache research trip until next Monday and I will be traveling to savage lands, bereft of civilization and modern curiosities such as The Inter-net.

I had considered having my manservant Joseph keep up with our communications, but I respect and admire you all too much to leave you to his tangle-tongued mutterings. I have decided to take him along on half-pay, even though I doubt he can survive the intellectual rigors and physical hardships of the trip.

I hope to return with a formidable cadre of new images to delight and amaze you.

Your Faithful Servant,

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Adversus Barba

Take, for example, this fine chap. Covered by a scruffy beard, there would be no way to admire the rugged fissure in his chin formed from the incomplete fusion of the left and right halves of the jaw. For the sake of a few chin whiskers, the cleft would be lost.

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Well-Composed Mustache

Ah, the pleasing symmetry of a delicate gullwing swoop in hair, mustache, and tie.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

An Astute Mustache Observation

My manservent Joseph noted that this gentleman seems to be thinking rather intently about his mustache in this image. I agreed and then docked his pay for lollygagging.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Diseases of the Mustache: Philtrim Baldness

Hopefully medical advances in the future will address this sad state.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Tiniest Of Overhand Twists

They are so small they might fool the untrained mustache aficionado into think they are merely a natural curl. I also appreciate that he was so proud of his fine mustache as to choose glasses that do not distract the eye.