Desperate Times Call For Manly Mustaches

Devoted Reader Alice W. points us to this discussion of the bold mustaches that have have been chosen to lead our country out of these dark times.

The Year Of The Mustache by Anya Strzemien

William Howard Taft

A little examined chapter of the life if our Last Mustachioed President, William Howard Taft, is the turbulent years before he could grow a mustache.



I would be an angry infant as well if I knew how long it would be for that mustache to be mine...

A Fine Choice

Our readers of the fairer sex will surely and readily attest to the stark fact that there are mustaches you date, and mustaches you marry. This beautifully frocked lady has made I wise choice, I think. A well-groomed Imperial is fine husband material.

Democracy, red in tooth and claw...

While I struggle to stay above the political wrangling, it must be noted that only one candidate for President has a mustache:



I will make no formal endorsement, but I will say: 95 years is long enough!

The Moving Pictures Mustache

Never has the Nineteenth Century Mustache been as dynamic as in these serialed images. If only a fine and bold mustache aesthetic had taken hold in the decadent film industry. Imagine the dizzying delights of 1950s Mustache-O-Vision!

Another Sad Mustache

But I have an explanation for both, I think. Each is sad because they know nothing of their long lost twin.

The Faraway Mustache

This sad-eyed fellow seems to be contemplating the heady days of mustaches past; or, perhaps, the horror of a mustache that might never be. Chilling.

The Wisdom of Mustaches

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

-Friedrich Nietzsche, The Dawn, Sec. 297


His mustache veritably teems with uncorruptibility. He and his mustache learned much from Friedrich.

The Raconteur

Be watchful, ladies, or this blond dandy might throw you down the staircase of love!

Apologies

I have been away so long, I am almost ashamed to post. Upheaval at the Insititute, a mad power struggle at the top, interns being lured away to a European mustache think tank... it is too overwhelming.

This gentleman's well-groomed Imperial is a fine example of the form, but was unfortunately captured on gaslight developing-out paper. It will continue to fade until there is nothing left.

All Slipping Away

It is sad to see a man balding on the head and the mustache so young.

On Beardism

There has seldom existed a more frightening documentary on the danger of beards than this one I have found. Not suitable for the weak of constitution.

Mustaches Promote Good Posture

Just look at how those bare-lipped louts are unable to sit up straight. One even leans in the presence of two fine mustaches! The disrespect!

The mustache requires balance and grace from the wearer, promoting good and correct posture.

The Desperate Mustache

He looks trapped and maybe a little self-destructive. Possibly he lost his family savings in the otter-hide market crash of 1868.

Our 200th Post!

While a fine mustache indeed, of greatest interest to hirsutologists lies in the fact that this might be the first photographic evidence of the "faux-hawk."

The interns note that his plaintive eyes long for a night of "clubbing." Though, why such a finely dressed man would want to spend all-night beating baby seals to death is beyond me. There are French-Canadians to do that sort of work!

Mustaches of the Civil War, Pt. 14

The tragic loss of his right hand necessitated the side-switch in the part of his hair. His well-maintained face-shelf was fortunately not affected.

Diseases of the Mustache: Temporary Handlebar Weariness

What horror to be so afflicted. The right-side cannot hold a twist at all.

Indianapolis Bow-tie

From his lustfully low widow's peak to his jaunty bow-tie, everything about this gentleman indicates a willingness to let his bushy mustache live wild and free.

Making The Most

Only one of them is making the most of his time in a POW camp. Can you spot him?

The Orphaned Mustache

Richard Willing, of Missouri. A hair part so sharp it could open letters for you. Artfully posed with the blanket he was wrapped in as a foundling.

The Pensive Mustache

Perhaps he thinks of the mustaches he left behind in the old country.

The Never-Far-Away Mustache

This is a gem tintype, half-an-inch tall. These were made to be part of lockets or other small jewelry. Someone wanted to keep this mustache very close to her heart...

Exceptionally Erudite

While he is a very intelligent looking man, I am not sure that during portraiture is the best time to indulge relief from omphalic itching.

The Fools of April

Warning to the fairer sex, unaccompanied minors and those with weak constitutions, today's post is on a rather shocking matter.

Let us spend this one day contemplating the most foolish of facial hair:

The Mustacheless Beard



With no mustache, sideburns or cheek bridge, this represents the reverse face-shelf. Truly horrible to behold.



This mustacheless patriarch surely ruled his family with a cruel and iron fist. Possibly because no woman could love a deliberately barelipped authoritarian. The seeds of feminism were sown from his unnatural co-location of facial and chest hair.



A furious expression on a mustacheless face. What joy can be had without a mustache?


Of course, my condemnation of the mustacheless beard does not extend to the Amish and Mennonite communities, who are mustacheless for religious reasons. As wikipedia explains:

Moustaches are not allowed, because they are associated with the military, and because they give opportunity for vanity. The avoidance of military styles has origins in the religious and political persecution in 16th and 17th century Europ. Men of the nobility and upper classes, who often served as military officers, wore moustaches but not beards, and the pacifist Amish avoid moustaches because of this association.

A Thoughtful Young Man

He dreams, perhaps, of one day having the thickest mustache in all of upstate New York.

The Courageous Mustache

A lack of any legs has not impeded this man from growing a fine mustache. I ask the male readers of this journal, here on this chilly first day of Spring, what is your excuse?

A Fine Canadian Mustache

While Google fails me once again on the fine details, I recognize the two large medals identifying this gentleman as having had a Québécois Récompense de Service de Moustache bestowed upon him at some point. The smaller starburst at his throat indicates a career in the Greater Canadian Moustache Brigades and the sash is only awarded if his mustache was wounded in combat. Truly a mighty warrior and someone deserving our respect. Too bad the collective memory of the Internet has let him slip away.

The Key to a Happy Childhood

What child wouldn't be thrilled to be have been sired by a gentleman with such a fine mustache? What hours of delight such a lucky child would have in knowing her father to be among a rarefied company. A wonderful handlebar like that could populate the entire world with siblings!

A beautiful image reproduced on my favorite photographic process, matte collodion printing-out paper.

Mustache Truth Revealed In Poetry

A wonderful translation of Mustache Thievery by Sukumar Ray

This excellent poem from the facial-hair rich sub-continent now called India contains some of the truest line spoke by man:

They claim the mustache is mine--as though it’s something you can own!
The mustache owns the man, my friend--that’s how we all are known.

The Brotherly Mustache

James and William Harbut, known locally as "The Harbut Boys." Ruffians in their youth, they finally grew fine matching mustaches and joined the gentry. The civilizing influence of a properly groomed mustache cannot be over estimated. It tamed more wild youth in the Nineteenth Century than comely minister's daughters.