Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Mustache Stroke

Mustache stroke is a terrible condition that will strike 1 in 150 mustaches at some point in their lifespan. I thought long and hard before exposing this poor unfortunate to the world, but it is a subject that needs to be discussed. I am no mustache physician, but hopefully rehabilitative exercises will restore the normal function of this gentleman's mustache.

Handsome reader franko has inquired about mustache stroke treatment. The underlying causes of mustache stroke are still a mystery, and there is no cure. Various remedies have been tried over the centuries with varying degrees of result. They include: mustache massage, improved mustache nutrition, handlebar binding, electro-irrigation, mustache / philtrum reconstruction surgery, night eating, neo-Fletcherism, mustache transplant, aquapuncture, monkfish liver compress, milk seeding, beetle carapace infusion, calcium galvanics, congreve shellac, and shaving. All have their benefits and their dangers. Please proceed carefully and may the mustachioed gods smile upon your endeavours.


franko said...

oh, i am embarrassed to say that this is my current mustache problem. know of a good mustache therapist? my solution so far is to use more wax.

franko said...

oh, monkfish liver compress, of COURSE! why didn't i think of that?!

thank you for your insight...