Thursday, February 28, 2008

Too Much Restraint

While his mustache is near-perfect in its tight twists, his sideburns scream to be set free.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Steely Glint of Capitalism In His Eye

How that monster Stalin was able to subvert such a fine free-market mustache to his twisted philosophy is one of the great laments of mustachiologists.

Friday, February 22, 2008

A Formidable Nietzsche

While mustaches this full were occasionally grown to cover up the sort of severe lip injuries common in the Crimean War, I think the hastily retied neck wear belies this gentleman's success with the ladies. Perhaps a tryst with the photomixing girl in the congreve closet...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Amazing Facespanner!

This gentleman is pushing the structural integrity of his mustache to its very limits. From the perfect bird-on-wing swoop to its stunning density, this mustache is easily the finest example of this rare and difficult style I have ever found.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Mustache Of Love

Happy Valentine's Day, from all the staff here at Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century. May you find in your loved ones the joy that normally only a mustache can bring.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

More Mustache Slander: The Colbert Report

It has come to my attention that inconsequential TV funnyman Stephen Colbert made the following pronouncement on his little-watched basic cable "news" show.

"They [homosexuals] have already claimed mustaches and short-shorts, they've ruined those for the rest of us."

and later

"A statistical correlation [between mustaches and homosexuality], it's not cause and effect. Mustaches don't make you gay, but they don't help."

This is the sort of ill-considered tripe that flows from the follicularly impaired, Mr. Colbert. Gay or straight, any mustached man is more masculine than a barelipped buffoon such as you!

Jingoism: The last refuge of the clean-shaven scoundrel!

Finally, Some Form Of Justice

A reader, anonymous and possibly fearful of reprisal, brought to my attention the sad plight of Victor Joynath De who was fired from his air steward job on Indian Airlines for sporting this fine facespanner:

A Calcutta court has reinstated the fine gentleman to his job, after months of legal wrangling.

The reason cited by the airline? His mustache was unhygienic! Unhygienic? Balderdash!

I urge all my loyal readers to send a letter of protest to Indian Airlines and to boycott their corporation forthwith. How horrible it is to find this level of mustache ignorance and prejudice in the modern world.

Long may Victor Joynath De's mustache reign!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Speechless Before The Mustache Sandwich

The shriek of delight from the interns when they stumbled upon this image roused the entire Institute to come and take a look. Nineteenth Century mustache portraiture is always a formal affair; to find such an innocent image of the mustache at play is rare indeed.

Friday, February 8, 2008

The Casual Spanner

The facespanner at rest, as it were. In its full tumescence, the facespanner strides mightily from ear to ear, but when relaxed, as seen here, by certain unguents and conditioners, it swoops softly down to the very jawline of a man. Glorious!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Virile Mustache

His wife is visibly exhausted by his virile mustache and the husbandly power it holds over her.

Friday, February 1, 2008

The Minimum Stain

A fine mustache ruined by a dribble beard. Shameful.