Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Edison's Folly: Better Mustaches Through Science

As best I can discover, this is the only know photographic evidence of the amazing, yet dangerous effects of Thomas Edison's Electromustacherizer that saw its first and only public demonstration at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair. These men started the day clean-shaven and grew these fine mustaches in just a few minutes under the influence of Edison's machine. But, just as the rays of the mighty sun struck Icarus low, their mustaches were mere guttering flames that fell out in clumps just three days later. In a saddening result, Edison's folly rendered these men mustacheless for the rest of their days.

In his despair, Edison spent the rest of his lonely days electrocuting elephants and yelling at rotating wax cylinders. Unable to sleep for more than an hour at a stretch due to his burning guilt for mutilating these men, Edison died penniless and alone in a Rhode Island boarding house not two years later.


Halfang said...

Obviously, he deserved it.

On the meantime, I'll grow mine the traditional way.

(lord) franko said...

horrific. i will also note that mr. edison never seemed to have sported a moustache himself. a victim of his own discovery?

mac said...

A tale of discovery and ultimate horror, more terrible than that of Dr. Jekyll.

Jonathan S. said...

It should be noted that the scientist, now sadly left to history book footnotes, Erasmus Swinton Snodgrass was also developing a similar mustache growing contraption during these heady Edison days. After killing three hobos with the device in Baltimore, however, he retreated to the wilds of Missoula, Montana where he began anew on scientific facial hair growth, coming up with the fluoroscopic face shelf growing machine. He decided, to save the lives of the innocent, to try it on himself first. It was successful, in that it grew a face shelf immediately. But it grew to such staggering proportions that he was left face crippled. No longer wanting to cause harm to himself or others, he became a member of the clergy.

collardandy said...

mmmmm...that is very true lord franko, Edison himself never did sport a mustache, of any style at any time ???...what's up with that ???...and your story on "technology" brings to mind the Heidleberg "electric belts" of the latter 19th century; electricity was thought to be a cure-all for many ailments, particularly certain "male" deficiencies (and I don't mean lack of mustaches!!!).

J said...


I must respectfully disagree. Mustachelessness is a male deficiency.

Your Loyal Servant,

Anonymous said...