Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Mustaches Promote Good Posture

Just look at how those bare-lipped louts are unable to sit up straight. One even leans in the presence of two fine mustaches! The disrespect!

The mustache requires balance and grace from the wearer, promoting good and correct posture.


Steve said...

Indeed! The gentleman in the back is even so polite as to tilt his hat so that the slouching vagrant appears more vertical, but to no avail.

(lord) franko said...

i would like to have hung with this wild bunch. oh, the stories these roustabouts probably could tell!

Jonathan S. said...

The clean shaven man on the far right of the picture, it should be noted, is handing the mustachioed man a note saying, "I wish I could grow a mustache like yours. I am nothing. I am a poor man. I shall not be in your company any longer for my shame is too great."

Zachary Quill said...

The ignorant chits! How dare those skinfaced louts soil such an otherwise picturesque scene!

Anonymous said...


Maj. Gen. Sassafras C. Babcoot, GCB, LVO said...


I must protest in the strongest possible manner the Increasing Frequency with which non-mustachioed gentlemen appear in the pages of your Compendium. This fine electric digest is our refuge from the Modern World in which the mustache has become but a mere forgotten Historical Artifact. To see here clean-shaven faces is but a dastardly affront upon our Persons. I strongly urge you to implement an effective visual filtering process so as to guard against the reoccurrence of incidents of this vile nature. Why, we recently implemented precisely such an editorial policy in my local parish news-letter, the "St. Melchisedec Monthly Dispatch", upon which instance our circulation increased by one million per-cent.

Maj. Gen. Sassafras C. Babcoot, GCB, LVO

J said...

General Babcoot,

How does one glory in the light of the sun if he has never experienced the darkness? Bare-lipped ruffians illuminate the wiser choice that is the mustache--the shadows with which we appreciate the sun.

Your faithful servant,

Maj. Gen. Sassafras C. Babcoot, GCB, LVO said...


I shall concede the wisdom of your Metaphor. If a fine Manly mustache is not to be equated with the lux et veritas of the Sun, then what reason is there for the immortal muse of Poetry? Are we perhaps to assume that Nature has gifted Man with the Ultimate Grace, that is, the ability to cultivate facial hair, merely by divine accident? Indeed not. For it is “the wiser choice that is the mustache” --if you would permit me to quote you verbatim-- that highlights the very Eloquence of Existence! In the lyric words of the poet, “odi profanum unmustachum vulgus et arceo", or in British English, “I hate the unholy unmustachioed rabble and keep them away" (Horace).

Last night I had a conversation on precisely this subject with Count Wermacht Z. Blubberfung, of the Prussian Government in Exile (currently based in Ecuador). He assured me that, as soon as Germany, Austria, Hungary, and parts of Belgium, are reclaimed on behalf of the Prussian Crown, the new Government shall immediately decree that only mustachioed individuals (of either sex) shall be authorized to receive Royal Commissions. High time, I say!

Obediently Yours,

Maj. Gen. Sassafras C. Babcoot, GCB, LVO

helldog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
helldog said...

The absence of even a single tuft of facial hair is a smoke screen - a desperate ploy eluding to other - perhaps more serious - abominations.
The fellow on the right cleverly harbors a third leg, whereas his colleague on the far left has an alarming bladder control problem. He crosses his legs to no avail, and has lost his good hat. He is now passing a second note professing his dilemma. Notice how the notes increase in size in proportion to his desperation. Naturally, the finely mustached gentleman will ignore his pleas. In a state of delirium, the first billboard was born (so the rumor goes).

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