Friday, November 2, 2007

The Balding Mustache

At least he will always be able to count on his thick mustache.

A Special Note To My Readers

Now that the paganish hootenanny of Halloween is finished, I can see now that the loss of Joseph maybe permanent, and not some cruel prank he has pulled upon his employer. Joseph has run off before, but has often returned after a few nights, reeking of sugar cane liquor and sporting an infant beard. I truly miss the burly simpleton and will hold out hope for his return.

But my work must go on, and I have obligations to you, my faithful readers. Many of you have posited questions in the comments that I have yet to respond to. I plan to spend the weekend grieving Joseph and creating a series of posts to the main page to answer the most pertinent. All of your comments are a wonderful comfort to me during this time, even those from benighted souls who wail out against the mustache and advocate its destruction. This is America after all, and you are as free as anyone to express opinions that are wrongheaded, ignorant, and public evidence of ill-breeding.

Please use the comments of this post to ask any burning mustache queries you haven't yet put in comment posts past.


Jake_L_974 said...

You sir, have my condolences on the loss of your manservant, but I'm sure he'll return in due time.

Elise said...

Your crazy! I love the blog, what inspired you?

(lord) franko said...

i'm sure the jackanape will return within a fortnight, but if he doesn't, good riddance to bad help, i say. you can soldier onwards without him, though -- i have faith!

as for questions not yet asked, how about this:

what's your favorite style, pray tell, and can you post an example?

Peter Anderson said...

How is it, that a man so rich with worldly upper lip hair knowledge, finds the time to educate the mustached peasants of the world so generously?
Also notably, I saw Joseph not long ago, foraging through a trash receptacle filled with rotted fruit and skeletons of decomposed fish.

Avitov said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Halfang said...

Good Sir, please answer:
what's the best way to apply moustache wax? Not for a extremely huge moustache, just for something more stylish, I mean.
Is it true that moustached men deliver more pleasure to moustached and to non-moustached women?

Lord Kensington of Essex said...

Dear Sir,

Ahoy hoy! I thank you for your superior efforts in bringing to this fine blog the gallant hirsute mustachioed gentlemen of the 19th century, and also, for the denunciation of the barbaric hordes of bearded scalawags and the clean-shaven Nancies.

Toy Illustration said...

The following message was left me by a slight and scruffy man who insisted I forward it to you. It was written in a drawling longhand that was difficult to decifer, but I have attempted to do my best, as the bearer of it had become quite agitated before he left me. Here it is as I understand it:


Clearly, the writer of this letter is on the verge of breakdown. The three exlaimation points are a clear sign of mental fatigue, if not outright insanity.

Anonymous said...

This is such a great blob!! Keep up the good work!

Phil Smoke said...

I appreciate your love of mustaches, but I'm disheartened by your sneering dismissal of full beards. Perhaps you could more fully articulate your thoughts on beardism, and hopefully you can do so with an eye toward mutual understanding at least, if not brotherhood, and unity against the cleanshaven.

Johnskibeat said...

One week and four score days ago I began my moustache quest - I fear that since this time, due to the vast quantities of soup and milk it has been collecting within it's mighty foliage, I have rid myself of it. Now I have a bountiful beard but, alas, no 'tache.

As a consequence, sadly, this may not be the blog for me. If, sir, you know of one so eloquent as yours that covers simply beards, do pray tell.

In your debt,

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hairy said...

In 19th century Iran, women with mustaches were considered most beautiful...check out this fascinating book by Najmabadi: 'Women with Mustaches and Men without Beards'. Could also be an interesting post :)

(lord) franko said...

@ Halfang:

good sir, it is in my own personal experience that the proper way to apply mustache wax is to put a bit 'twixt forefinger and thumb, and rub it a bit to warm it up before applying it. i've also read that you can use a hair dryer (!) to keep it warm while shaping your 'stache.

not sure how our hirsute forefathers managed without the benefit of electrical devices, but i'm hoping our genteel host might have this knowledge.

Anonymous said...

My dear Avitov,

I thank you for your strong comments which have the ring of truth and great depth of feeling - qualities I personally respect and value. Unfortunately the humans who wield political power in my country are morally very weak people and that's why they are such absolute hypocrites. Hypocrisy is a disease of people without the courage to preach what they practise.

An honest pirate admits to being a pirate, and a decent murderer also confesses to his or her crime and gladly accepts the consequences. Not so the despicable specimens who have risen to power and fattened their Swiss bank accounts through the political patronage of feudal lords.

Malaysians have been silently watching the fiasco that passes itself off as a murder trial. This is why we are determined to see the judiciary reformed - in fact, completely overhauled. In the 1980s Malaysians were making money and this money corrupted their values, which is why they kept quiet and allowed a would-be dictator to distort reality according to his own will. Now it is clear to everybody who has even half a brain cell that Justice is almost completely dead in this country. It was blown to smithereens along with Altantuya Shaariibuu, whom I regard as a beloved sister.

I assure you that most Malaysian people, though weak because life is too comfortable here, are actually lovable human beings. It's only our so-called government that has gone beyond tolerable limits of criminal mismanagement. Last week 40-50 thousand of us defied the prime minister and the police by marching for clean elections. That was a sign that the dark days of demonic misrule are nearly at an end. And be it so."

Magick River
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November 26, 2007 3:25 PM